The Expiration Date Of Pizzas

I have one of the biggest pizza boxes possible in my fridge. There was no good place to put it so it's up over everything else, on top of the milk, the juice, etc. It's not even a shelf, the stuff below it is the shelf!

That makes it "real handy" for getting other things out. Not to mention it's also like an eclipse in there, since the box comes between the fridge light and everything else. It's like the big V spaceship hovering over the city.

Leading me to wonder, Why does pizza go bad so fast? It's been a couple days since we got it, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to eat it at this point. But it was so wedged in there that I decided to leave it until I have more time to wrestle it out.

Still, two days and pizza's already a senior citizen. One day old it's applying for Social Security. At this point we're just offering it comfort measures until it's finally put down.

Further leading me to wonder, How long have you got to complain about a bad pizza at a restaurant? Wouldn't it be strange if you rang up the pizza place and said you had a complaint. "I have a complaint about a pizza I got." "Yes?" "It was 1978, and as I recall it was a little on the cold side before you got it to our table." "Uh, sir, this is 2010." And you can see how it'd go from there. They'd think you were crazy.

They'd probably hang up on you, but if they gave the complaint the seriousness it deserved, I think they'd still offer you something, a coupon good for 50% off another pizza. Just check the expiration date, that they didn't write in there "1980."

Tabasco In My Nasal Passages

Oh, something terrible happened to me about five minutes ago, maybe seven or eight minutes ago.

I was sitting here at the computer eating some pork chops in my normal way, with lots of Tabasco sauce. I was down to the last bite and then proceeding to drink the puddle that remains on the plate (I also had some fresh tomatoes), the puddle being the mixture of dripped off Tabasco sauce, tomato juice, salt and pepper, and some red peppers I sprinkled on originally.

It's quite delicious, and I think it's something of a curative to anything that might ail you. If it's not, please don't tell me. One thing I know is this is what I eat and I'm hardly ever sick.

Anyway, the terrible thing that happened. I was tipping the plate up to drink the Tabasco puddle, when I felt a sneeze come on all of a sudden -- probably from the pepper -- I tried to stifle it, the puddle somehow got in the way, I sneezed a half sneeze, Tabasco sauce went up my nostrils either from the front or the back, I don't know which. It was a very tumultuous few seconds.

All I know is that somehow it got up there. I started sweating, my nostrils were blazing hot, my eyes were running. My entire head was red. I was up and running for the bathroom, not knowing exactly what to do. The dog was underfoot and consternated because she knew something was wrong with me.

I couldn't blow my nose in the normal way. Nothing would happen. I'm trying to figure out how to get water in my nostrils without it running down the wrong hole into my lungs and drowning me. I can't do that. I'm thinking about gargling, then diverting it up the nasal passage, but nothing is coming to me as to the right method.

So I keep blowing my nose on the wash cloth. I can't get a proper hank of toilet paper. I'm in misery this whole time.

But I did go and grab a camera to take a few pictures of myself, since I looked like a big sweating, miserable tomato with runny eyes. But since I don't put pictures of myself on my blog, I can't show them to you. Just let me say, I looked terrible.

This all occurred when I was writing a post about Henry Gibson. Between the last two paragraphs is where it happened. But after I got rid of the worst of it and could blow my nose, I wrote the last paragraph there. So that's weird because I was of two entirely different minds during each of those paragraphs. Pre-sneeze and post-sneeze. It was a Jack Ruby moment, completely unexpected and disruptive.

Now that I've written this whole thing ... in that time I'm getting back to normal. I just feel a slightly present hot buzz in my nostrils. And my nose is running.

Food Shapes: A Porkchop Chicken

It's been a while since I've posted pictures of food that looks like something else. In January I had the Jester Scorpion Bacon and the Goddess Seahorse Bacon. Those were great ones!

Tonight I have the beginnings of a good Porkchop Chicken. The "eye" is part of a red pepper that just happened to land there. Then the head. And the piece of tomato sticking out looks like a beak. Maybe it's not a chicken. Especially if you tie in the laid back bone that looks like the ear of something.

Whatever it is, it's definitely got its back up. And check out the bone on the backside. It's practically a bottle opener!

A beautiful piece of food. I could've sold it on eBay, but, alas, I've already eaten it.

First Watermelon

I just had my first piece of watermelon for the season. I wanted a piece yesterday, then I suggested it, and we ended up with cantaloupe.

Today I was at the store and decided, I'll splurge and get a watermelon. Not that it's very big. A little bigger and just slightly more elongated than a bowling ball. The first piece was pretty good even though it was not cold. I've got the rest in the fridge and maybe tomorrow it'll be better.

I didn't notice any seeds, so I must have gotten one of the modern melons somehow. That's OK!

It's one of the foods of summer. Along with a banana, that's a good thing.

Texas Longhorn Mushroom

That was a big, odd looking mushroom at the place we ate at yesterday. I'm calling it a Texas Longhorn Mushroom.

Day Old Pizza

I'm heating up a day old pizza. I should have eaten it last night, since pizza doesn't keep very long, in my experience. It gets like cardboard and starts to look like it's taking on an extra coat.

The oven's halfway heated and I put the pan in. So I'm typing fast, because it's downstairs and I don't know exactly how long it takes. I try to get it good and heated on the bottom, then turn the broiler on to singe the top a bit. That takes some of the refrigerator chill out of it, assuming the bottom up approach isn't a hundred percent.

They haven't come up with a way to make day old pizza as good as fresh. The closest thing, like I said, is to eat it the same day. So there might be a bit of planned obsolescence.

For other day old food I've come up with a system, which is to put it in a plastic container immediately, right off the stove. Then get it in the fridge soon and it keeps for a few days in pretty good shape. You can do that successfully especially with spaghetti, just keep the sauce and the pasta in separate containers. That's very important.

If you do, then heat it up, it's about as close to fresh as you'd ever want.