The Edwards Affair

Back in the '60s, there was a TV show on called "The Man From U.N.C.L.E," which we watched, us kids anyway. All the episode titles had the word "Affair" in them, like "The Green Opal Affair." And I remember asking my mom, "What's an affair?" Nervous laughter ... "Uh, it's like a 'plan.'" So the Green Opal Plan? I still don't get it, what she meant by 'plan.'

These days we have plenty of other Affairs, some planned, maybe some not. It'd be nice to know, in the case of John Edwards' affair, whether he had a roving eye all along and was just waiting to bed down to pretty thing along the trail.

I met him a couple times in 2004, once way up close. I could've asked him anything since it was kind of a cozy little group. I should've asked him, "Are you planning ever to have an affair along the campaign trail?" It didn't occur to me. Too bad I didn't have on a wizard hat and could see off in the future. I might've dropped a few clues to one who proved so clueless, like, "Keep your zipper zipped, Stupid."

Each of the times I saw him, he came into the room like Mr. Charisma. Maybe he had his eye out even then. "The better I look, the better it's gonna go if SHE is here." He entered a room like we were all his best friends in the entire world. Little did we know how friendly he would prove to be! Nitwit.

Now there's another big story about John-Boy, son of a mill worker. Son of something else, too. If you're going to have a big affair, don't keep the campaign going in 2008. We could be suffering under President John McCain at this point.