The New Pregnancy Tests

I just saw a commercial for a new pregnancy test that doesn't leave any ambiguity. If you're pregnant, it says "Pregnant." If you're not, it says "Not Pregnant." Can't get any clearer than that.

I've seen the commercials in the past and it seems like they had a PLUS or MINUS. Say you wanted to be pregnant, a PLUS wouldn't be ambiguous. But if you didn't want to be pregnant, how would you take a PLUS sign?

It's been a while since I've been a new father. It was so long ago, I can't remember, but I think it was like film. You had to pee on the strip and send it in for developing. I don't know. I actually don't think they even had a system like this. You had to go to the doctor's office.

So that's been a while.

There's another commercial that says their pregnancy test is supposed to tell you a day after or three days after. When I hear that, I like to joke around, "Let me check my schedule. I can tell you three days in advance."

Terrible, I know. A definite MINUS.

As for the new test, it's neat looking on TV seeing the actual word pop up. Kind of like the Magic 8-Ball. You could have all kinds of tests. A test for party animals, let's say, that says "PARTY'S OVER" or "PARTY ON." A test for women having affairs with Congressmen, that says "JACKPOT" or "TRY AGAIN."

But I don't know about "TRY AGAIN." That could discourage sales of the tests, because we're used to seeing those words under losing bottle caps. We've seen it so much we just ignore it.