Wednesday, March 18, 2009

To Catch A CEO

It seems like there's enough shenanigans going on at these big businesses, people getting disgusting amounts of cash for doing a bad job, that it's ridiculous. What kind of company pays people like this? And where can I apply? I could use a job like that, somewhere where I need a fleet of wheelbarrows to transport my Christmas bonus home.

As far as the latest public outrage goes, through bailing them out with borrowed taxpayer money only to have them turn around and give bigger bonuses, it's in the headlines in really big print. So that means everyone's even more outraged, lest each of us misses an opportunity. Probably the biggest problem with it is they're doing it right under our nose. Now we're worrying whether someone's contracts are being upheld. I think that's a good thing, to keep contracts. But if they would have been completely out of business without the help, at that point it seems like company survival and the country's economy are more important. I know if I wrecked my father's car one day, then said, "But you promised I could use the car next Saturday," he'd probably have said that indeed was his promise, but since you wrecked the car there's nothing left to drive!

We need to get Chris Hansen of "To Catch A Predator" fame to set up a house somewhere and lure these CEOs out, so we can catch them on film. Put out the word on an internet business chatline that there's some cute bonuses looking for a good time. Then they show up at the house, someone calls out that the bonuses need to slip into something more comfortable, then Chris pops out of nowhere to ask them, "So what are you doing here?" He would go on to explain, despite their many objections that they had no evil capitalist intent, that it didn't look good for them. "I got the transcript right here. And the bonus clearly said it was 14 billion." Nah, that doesn't make any sense.

Probably my favorite anti-CEO remark these days is this one, that we can "fire them." Ha ha. If I have a job where I just made $40 million, please, go ahead and fire me. What ever will I do next?

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