No One's Supposed To Touch The Queen

What a lonely old soul the Queen must be. No one is supposed to touch her.

But I guess I don't like people touching me overly much. Not that they do, of course. Shaking hands. Hardly anyone ever pats my back or squeezes my arm.

My dog jumps up in my lap. But if I were King, somehow we'd have to break her of that bad habit. The dog expects to be touched quite a bit. "Pet me!"

It'd be interesting to know how they ever got a rule about never touching the Queen. Look to the bee! They're swarming all over the Queen. I think ants do too. But bees and ants, what they know...

The Queen has a husband. Is his name Prince Phillip? I'm not good at royalty. I wonder if he can touch her. Poor guy. That'd be terrible to be married to a Queen if you weren't yourself a King. But they got Prince Charles, so he must have touched her at least once. Then he was reprimanded and that was it. I don't know if they have any other kids. None I've heard of.

And who does the Queen's hair. Whoever it is must touch her. What about her doctor? You can't get as old as she is without going to the doctor once in a while. He's like ... does it hurt here? Squeeze, squeeze.

Here comes the Queen! Everyone's hands up. Keep them in plain sight! Don't touch her!

The Queen is like, "Please, I need human contact! Forget for a minute I'm the Queen! Touch me! Please!" I guess Obama didn't get her an Ipod Touch.