Global Shrinkage

Planets are always in trouble, it seems. As we know, Krypton exploded into a million pieces. Earth is going down the tubes thanks to global warming and the existence of Republicans. And now Mercury is shrinking!

In this article, by Jupiter Kalambakal, -- no relation to Pluto Kowabunga -- we learn that scientists say that Mercury, already the smallest planet in the solar system, is shrinking. Apparently it will eventually shrink to the size of a billiard ball, then literally disappear, but not for billions of years.

So what seems to be the problem this time? The cooling of the planet's core triggers a magnetic dynamo, leading to the contraction of the planet. The contraction is greater than what they previously thought.

There's no word yet whether the Republicans are denying Mercury shrinkage or if they think it's some kind of conspiracy on the part of smart people to make them seem dumber. And we're still awaiting word from Al Gore as to what can be done.