I Lost My Glasses -- Also Found Them

Good grief, kick me sideways. I lost my stupid glasses.

One day about three weeks ago it was my car keys. And I had to look all around frantically, without any idea where they were. Oh, it's such a waste of time and so mind numbing.

I'm thinking, Where could they be? They're nowhere I normally put them. What if someone wants me to go somewhere with them? I'll be like, Wait for an indeterminate amount of time till I find my glasses. Making it sound like a flimsy excuse.

I had been moving some stuff around, trying for the millioneth time to tackle a room and clean it up. I didn't succeed. I had my candles, which I thought were hermetically sealed since that time I had the olfactory hallucinations real bad back in October. I was going to take them outside and open them to see how many demons came streaming out. Then I looked closely at it and it wasn't hermetically sealed at all, but it was a plastic box that has a little slot where air can get in and out.

That's all beside the point really, because I'm not going to go outside till I find my glasses. So I'm upstairs, I'm downstairs, I'm looking in the same stinking places. I'm looking in places where I wasn't even at, weird places. I think they're in a place, they're not. I'm getting hyper. My dog knows there's something terribly wrong. She's not following me even though I'm not a mean person. I'm not taking it out on anyone.

Could they be in the garage? That's where my keys had ended up. But no, even though I was in the garage, I didn't stop for anything long enough to take my glasses off. Are they on the bookcase? They're nowhere. It's crazy. They might be on the floor. I might be stepping on them.

I remembered I took a nap but I was already in my bedroom three times looking in the usual places.

As it turned out I went into my bedroom one more time ... and thankfully, there they were in a slightly different place than I normally put them, but nowhere out of sight, nowhere I shouldn't have noticed them in the first place. But I was impatient, feeling frantic, like this might go on for days.

So now I know where my glasses are. Also my phone. Also my car keys. Also my house keys. My checkbook is setting here. My wallet is on the table. The dog's at my side. As of this very moment, insofar as I know, there is nothing lost.